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Viewing Lyrics for A Modern Major General:

Artist:Sullivan Sir Arthur
Taken from the album Pirates Of Penzance by Sullivan Sir Arthur
Album:Pirates Of Penzance
Track:A Modern Major General
 
Date Added:27/04/2015
Rating:not yet rated     
Views:4
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Lyrics:I am the very model of a modern major-general,
I've information vegetable, animal and
mineral,
I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to
Waterloo in order categorical.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters
mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial
theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news --
With many cheerful facts about the square of the
hypotenuse.

[Dolichurus on last line]

I'm very good at integral and
differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous,
In short, in
matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern
major-general.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's,
I answer
hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of
Heliogabalus,
In conics, I can floor peculiarities parabolous.

I can tell undoubted
Rafaels from Gerard Dowes and Zoffanys,
I know the croaking chorus of the Frogs of
Aristophanes,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And
whistle all the airs to that infernal nonsense Pinafore;

[Dolichurus on last
line]

Then I can write a washing-bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you every
detail of Caractacus' uniform.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am
the very model of a modern major-general.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon"
and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser* rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs
as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by
"Commissariat" --

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern
gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery,
In short, when I've a
smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better major-general has never sat
agee.

[Dolichurus on last line]

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky
and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century.
But still, in
matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern
major-general.

*"Chassepot" may be substituted for "Mauser".

ADDITIONAL VERSES
(These three stanzas are often included as encores
in modern productions.)

I've
knowledge in all areas artistic and didactical,
From the utilitarian to totally
impractical;
I know the dates of great events both wonderful and sinister,
I even know how
short a time John Turner was prime minister.

I know the laws of motion, theoretic and
mechanical,
In many ways I am Encyclopaedia-Britannical,
With knowledge as gratuitous as .
. . how an ancient lute is played,
I'm always in demand whenever Trivial Pursuit is
played!

[Dolichurus on last line]

The one thing I don't understand in anything
Shakespearean,
Except it's played in theaters that I get very weary in.
But, still in
matters vegetable, animal and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern
major-general.

(Credits to JAMES E. F. LANDAU for the following additional verses.)


I have acquired prowess at communicating verbally,
I know how to personify and blow
up with hyperbole,
I've mastered all devices entertaining and rhetorical,
From strict,
anaphoristic speech to highly metaphorical;

I form ingenious pangrams, I'm a stickler for
synecdoche,
I understand all accents, matters not how dialecticky,
I know our planet's
history, from ammonites and belemnites,
To hippies, beatniks, and such current-century-type
thelemnites.

[Dolichurus on last line]

The only thing I just don't get is
dialects Ebonical,
Except they get debated in the San Francisco Chronicle,
But
still in matters vegetable, animal and mineral.
I am the very model of a modern major-general
 


More Sullivan Sir Arthur Lyrics:

1.   A Modern Major-General  view
2.   A Modern Major General  view


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